This week, it’s all about one thing. Monday Night RAW vs. TNA iMPACT!. The Monday Night Wars: January 2010 Edition. The Etc. Etc. Blah Blah Blah.

Everyone has said their thoughts about the night. I’ve read, and listened to plenty of opinions of what happened on January 4. I’ve heard analysis, almost a frame by frame breakdown of the events and happenings of both shows, and now, I thought, that I’m actually gonna try and give it some reasoning. Let’s start with TNA, or as I call it…

Whatcha’ Gonna Do, When 1997 Runs Wild On You?

There are plenty of reasons as to why they decided to go up against RAW this past Monday. To fire the first shot, in the new Monday Night Wars. To show Vince McMahon that TNA aren’t kidding around anymore, or even it was on the part of Spike to try and take a few viewers from the weakening WWE product. But maybe, just maybe, TNA actually had a bit of sense, and decided that it’d be easier to go against RAW, than it is to go against the National Championship Game between Texas and Alabama.

Why not give it a crack? Why not take on something that rates a 3.5 on it’s best days, when you could go against something that will probably rate about a 15. I know, buy a TV rating aspect, which one I’d rather take on. With that worked out, it’s all about how you perform on the night, as to how your future goes. Did TNA come out of the gates like a bull, or did they whimper away faster than Ryan Leaf’s NFL career? To keep on the analogy of NFL QuarterBacks, TNA’s Monday Night show was like Tim Couch. Very few good moments, in what was otherwise a very crap-tacular performance.

One of the good moments however, were Two Championship matches. The KnockOuts Tag Team title match, in which Hamada and Awesome Kong became the second holders of the belts, when they beat previous Champions, Taylor Wilde and Sarita. The second, was the early candidate for Match Of The Year, which pitted the TNA Champion, AJ Styles, against the challenger, Kurt Angle. Even though Ric Flair came out mid-match, for what looked like no apparent reason, this match showed what TNA can produce. If only they had more of this, and a lot less of what the actually showed, then maybe they would have a decent wrestling program.

TNA’s New Motto: Cross The Line… But Only Before An Hour Of Commercials First

The rest… well, scarily enough, it was what most people expected. A re-hashed unlicensed version of WCW circa 1997. They had Hulk Hogan, they had Eric Bischoff, they had Nash, Hall and Sean Waltman. We saw the Nasty Boys, Ric Flair and radio show host, Bubba The Love Sponge. These guys, especially Bubba The Love Sponge, shouldn’t be on a wrestling program, let alone, soak up the majority of the airtime that wasn’t a match. TNA took a punt on bringing in Jeff Hardy, even though he is going to trial for drug charges. Shannon Moore, who hasn’t done anything useful since being Matt Hardy’s lackey. Sean Morley, who interrupted a “strip” poker game involving the Beautiful People, and Orlando Jordan, who interrupted a D’Angelo Dinero interview.

Hardy was a massive risk to bring in, even though he was one of the biggest guys in the business in the last 12 months, because of his actions when he left WWE. Shannon Moore has been in the company before, and I don’t remember anything memorable he achieved during his first run there. However, if Sean Morley is anything like the same Sean Morley that would work over guys on Heat every week, then it could be a good acquisition for the company. The same with Orlando Jordan. He wasn’t utilized as well as what he could have been, being JBL’s right-hand man during Layfield’s long WWE run in 2004-05. It will be interesting to see, just how he is used in Total Nonstop Action.

In the end, this is the bed they have made for themselves. Going back to what has worked in the past, and seeing if it will work again. Let’s see if this time, the young guys get built up, and are not used just for fodder for the old brigade.

This was typed up on Thursday Night April 23rd while WWE Superstars was on and TNA Impact through the first half-hour or so, so some of this information might be a little off.

Point 1. Where the hell is everybody? Why has it been nine days since anyone posted anything? The fact that my lazy ass has back to back posts here is maddening. I might have to start GreenTeabaggerScratchesHisAss.com if this keeps up…..or I might have to start ranting on BWF if ThinkSoJoe lets me, but then I might have to stay on a stupid schedule. Come on, people, feed the monster.

Point 2. Bobby Lashley is in TNA….whoopdee fucking do. I mean, its a pretty big deal and all for TNA to land Lashley. You can pretty much guarantee Lashley jumps ahead of Joe, Styles, Daniels, and pretty much everyone else not in the Main Event Mafia in line for the TNA World Title.

Something that might get in the way, Bobby Lashley still wants to do MMA. TNA dosen’t seem to have a problem with this. Kurt Angle is probably PISSED off given he wanted to do that too, but either TNA wouldn’t let him or there was no MMA organization who wanted to put up with his horseshit. The big question, of course, is what does Lashley do first? Does he join the MEM? Does he side with the Front Line? Does he take over Christian Cage’s spot of “not in either group” but facing one side over the other? What will Lashley be doing for TNA?

Either way, I bet it involves tapping out to Kurt Angle in nine minutes.

Point 3. Mick Foley is now the TNA World Heavyweight Champion. I have always been a huge fan/stupid mark for Mick Foley. Cactus Jack…..Mankind….even Dude Love, I was marking out. All of that said……

There is absolutely no fucking way that Mick fucking Foley of all people in TNA should have been the one who took the TNA World Title off of Sting. Jeff Jarrett would have been a better choice and that still would be bullshit. I’m about to say something that probably is going to annoy the readers.

Eric Young would have been a better choice than Foley to take the title off of Sting.

This has nothing to do with Foley himself, but this war between the Front Line and the MEM should absolutely NOT be fought between the MEM and the “office” aka Jarrett and Foley. If anyone should have taken the title from the MEMs, it should have been a Front Line member either Joe, AJ, or Daniels. Instead, they went with Foley.

The stupid part…………if the rumors are true and TNA has planned the main event for Bound For Glory to be Angle vs. Foley, Foley might be keeping the title until then.

I’m guessing Sting is either getting the belt back soon or is getting kicked out of the MEM.

Point 4. Beer Money lost the TNA Tag Team Titles to Team 3-D. I know it was the expected result, but its still a sad day. Let’s hope Beer Money gets the belts back soon, and hope TNA dosen’t do to Beer Money what WWE did to John Morrison and The Miz.

Point 5. If you watched Impact last week and hadn’t seen the show before, wouldn’t you have thought AJ Styles was the heel in that scenario?  He demands a forfeit victory since Nash couldn’t wrestle?  Since when did faces ask for a freebie or take the easy way out?  I know its nitpicky, but it still bugged me.

Point 6. Backlash is Sunday, and I just don’t give a damn. Its a big meh to me. I’ll give short predictions.

Edge beats John Cena for the World Heavyweight Title in a Last Man Standing Match. I’m going to guess interference from the Big Show at the behest of Vickie Guerrero to ensure this, probably promising Show a shot at whomever wins the Legacy-McMahon WWE Title match.

Legacy beats Triple H McMahon, Shane McMahon, and Batista McMahon (honorary McMahon for the night) and thus Orton wins the title, probably someone on Legacy pinning Shane. That way, Orton can win the title without having to “beat” Triple H because thats not allowed to happen.

Christian beats Jack Swagger for the ECW Title in a match that isn’t half as good or even a fourth as long as their match on SciFi was.

Jeff Hardy makes Matt Hardy say I Quit, Matt Hardy goes into obscurity on Raw.

Chris Jericho defeats Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat.

CM Punk will beat Kane.

The Khali KissCam with “Santina” Marella will finally end the gimmick and “Santina” will be unveiled as Santino.

I’m also going to add that Rey Misterio-Big Show for the IC Title is going to be added before Sunday and Rey retains somehow.

Point 7. Everything is set up for Jeff Hardy to dominate Smackdown as their top face in much the same way John Cena dominated Raw…..its all up to Jeff Hardy to not fuck it up. Good luck.

Point 8. I had originally intended to go over the entire WWE Draft (TV and Supplemental) but frankly…..fuck it. I’ll go over some quick hits instead.

Curt Hawkins, Zach Ryder, Jesse, D.J. Gabriel, and others: You are fucked. You’re gone by Memorial Day or the next firing purge.

Hurricane Helms will be ECW Champion by the end of 2009.

So will Clodimir Kozlov.

I am stunned Mark Henry didn’t get moved from ECW.

I am stunned Mr. Kennedy didn’t get moved TO ECW, if for nothing else just to prove he could go six months without getting injured.

Finlay’s contract will “run out” and he’ll be reunited with Hornswaggle within three months or Hornswaggle is part of the aforementioned firing purge.

I wonder who Melina pissed off to get shipped off to Smackdown while Maryse, who is about as big a clod as Kozlov, gets moved to Raw aka live TV.

John Morrison will be Intercontinental Champion soon.

You can book it now, assuming neither are injured. Wrestlemania 26 will have The Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho.

Seriously, where the hell is UMAGA? Can’t he show up to beat the stuffing out of Ricky Ortiz’s haircut?

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are on the same show. Feud, reuniting again, or is Haas going to see the door?

Beth Phoenix is going to snap Maryse like a twig for the Butterfly Belt. I can’t wait.

Randy Orton is still a douchebag.

Point 9. Triple H must be so happy now to be back on “his” show Monday Night Raw. I think you can book Cena-Triple H 3 for Wrestlemania 26 too, that or Cena-Batista.

Point 10. There won’t be the “Just Because its popular doesn’t mean it dosen’t suck” part mainly because I lost all the information I had for it because my old computer basically blew up and took everything it had on it with it, and I frankly didn’t feel like finding all that shit I had for it again. Now I’m on a new old laptop given to me by my sister since she got an even better one a few months ago and wasn’t doing anything with this.

It’s better than the piece of dogshit I had anyway.

The End of the Universe

Every week, between what I witness from working at a grocery store, what I see in wrestling, in the news, in entertainment, and everywhere else, I see things that make me worry about the state of humanity. People, stories, and objects that remind me just how stupid we all are. It makes me realize why aliens haven’t come down here looking for intelligent life. We don’t friggin’ have any. In past Anger Managements, I had shown three signs, but from now on, I’ll stick with just one partially because I might run out of material for it plus in some rare cases, its so disturbing that anything else with it might cause someone to go on a four-state killing spree. This is one of them. This is one of the many signs of the end. THE END OF THE UNIVERSE!

Holy shit.

I couldn’t believe what I saw…….it almost cannot be described how disgusting and how disturbing this was.

Let me put it this way.

At the beginning of an episode of Impact, Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, Eric Young, and Bubba Dudley could all go out to the ring buck ass naked and covered in peanut butter, chocolate, honey, and whipped cream respectively. They could spend the next two hours just fucking each other in many ways while Tenay and West are doing commentary, with West pointing out how Kurt Angle always comes out on top, and it still would not disgust me this much.

I had mentioned that I got a laptop from my younger sister, so I went to WalMart to get a case for it. I found one I liked that was the right size for my laptop and I picked it up and started heading for the one register that would be the only one open despite there being twenty people in line.

That was when I saw it. I looked over and saw a woman breast feeding her child in public. Now, don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem with breast feeding public or otherwise. It was when I was walking to the line I realized that it wasn’t a actual breast. It was an artificial breast feeding apparatus. OK, thats weird, but I guess I get it. I mean, you can get away with it that way.

Then I noticed something…….that wasn’t a woman breast feeding her child. IT WAS A MAN!

No….no….no….no…..NO!

This is beyond fucked up.

I’m sorry, but I can’t imagine the scenario where someone said “Hey, I bet men want to breastfeed too. Let’s make a fake boob to do that.”

Now I’m all for equality among the sexes for pay, jobs, opportunities in life, awards, and everything else, but you know what……on behalf of males everywhere I am willing to cede this territory. I can’t imagine how confused and frightened the child was in this, not to mention any other children who might have seen this and realized that was a guy.

It’s just wrong…..so wrong. Worse still…..the mother was right there.

I went to a church afterward….I don’t even know what religion it was, it might have been a Catholic Church, a synagogue, or whatever. I needed to pray to some God.

I worry for us all.

Until next time….

G-Bag

But enough about me.

What I envisioned when Joe gave me the greenlight is to make this sort of an homage to the great JG-James Guttman and his RAW insanity reviews, and the recently deceased Obtuse Angle that parodied the WWE.

I’m hoping to make a parody of TNA impact. However, at times that is like making fun of the losers at the special olympics- Just too damn easy. However, believe me, its going to get more than a little zany, over the top, nonsensical, off color and at times downright rediculous as we follow the trials and travails of the juggernaut that is Vinny Ru and his Total Nonstop Absurdity!
Cross The Line!

So keep checking back and look for announcements on www.boredwrestlingfan.com, or announcement threads on WWI message board as to new content.

And believe me- any creative comments or criticisms are welcomed.