Bizzarro World- TNA style
Friday, March 20th, 2009
Am I the only one who wonders about the logic (or lack thereof) that is the storylines of Total Nonstop Absurdity?
To whit:
When did Abyss get the girl?
A year ago, wasnt he Father James Mitchells bastard spawn? And had a half brother named Judas Messias(or was his name Claude Rains-because he dissappeared without a trace)
Then he was put in a rubber room and given shock therapy to get over his violent urges- and before that, he had been revealed to be a murderer and an ex-con. Just that right there should be enough to get him a “sleeping single in a double bed” award from any woman this side of Lizzy Borden. (The real one with a fancy for axes- not Rob Black’s wife who has a fancy for everything this side of the sixth ring of Dante’s inferno if the price is right)
When did Traci Brooks become a referee? Wasnt she just the onscreen representative and mouthpiece for the knockouts and answering to Jim Cornette, like 2 weeks ago?
If Rock and Rave are gone, what is to become of Christy Hemme? She hasnt had a solo story line in 2 years, except when she got fed to Kong and buried quicker than Joe tapped to Kurt.
And speaking of SamoaNew Jack Joe? He comes in as a strong style stiff pureso style quasi- shoot fighter. Fans are begging for Joe’s push. Then comes the juggernaut named Angle. Fans are sporting erections that they could crack walnuts with over the thoughts of a Kurt/Joe 60 minute iron man down broadway. And they wait. And wait some more. And they get treated FINALLY to Joe tapping out in 8 minutes and looking for all the world like the worlds biggest bitch. In the words of Crazy Uncle Vizhiri (iron shiek) Khoslov “Leetle punk faggot son-of-bitch I weel humble! I fuck his ass in ring!” is what King Kurt did.
Now where is he?Give him new tights, a haircut, and draw a tribal design penis on his face….and VOILA! Instant cross between New Jack,Umaga,baby-puntin Snitsky, and evil Kane. Except for one thing. The gimmick doesnt fit.
Throw that one on the Bizzarro world garbage pile, IMO. Right next to The love guru,Super Eric, Lil’ Poppa Pump, and Black Macheezeball.
And look at Thursday night. THe Motor City Machine Guuns( arguably the best tag team in the biz today IMO) against a team from NJPW. Not exactly Go Fixer vs Dragon Gate, but a damn fine paring nonetheless. And they get curtain jerker status AFTER MEM gets 23 minutes for nothing more than to recycle Angle & Sting dont like each other, Foley misses the ring, and Angle dont like Jarrett….
Dont get me wrong- TNA has a ton of potential. But right now its stagnant. If they were wildly successful at one point, I’d say they are resting on their laurels- but they never were! Right now, its like stepping into a time machine and watching a Generic NWO suck the last drop of life out of WCW.
If some of the up and coming talent of any organization- TNa, ROH, or WWE got a third of the air time that Middle-aged Ego Mafia gets weekly, the wrestling landscape would change figuratively before our eyes.
Instead we get “HEY1 THIS WEEK ITS KURT VS.JARRET, WITH STING AS SPECIAL ENFORCER AND MICK FOLEY AS REFEREE! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO SEE STING VS. FOLEY WITH JEFF JARRETT AS SPECIAL REFEREE AND KURT ANGLE AS SPECIAL ENFORCER! AND AT OUR NEXT PAY PER VIEW IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED- KURT ANGLE VS STING IN A WORLD TITLE SUSPENDED FROM A POLE REVERSE ELIMINATION IRON MAN CHALLENGE WITH MICK FOLEY AS SPECIAL REFEREE!”
Welcome to bizarro world, kiddies. You dont have to be drunk as a monkey or stoned to watch us- but it sure does help!
Tags: Absurdity, Abyss, Array, Axes, Christy, Claude Rains, Crazy Uncle, Dante, Dante Inferno, Dante S Inferno, Half Brother, Iron Man, Iron Shiek, Jim Cornette, Judas Messias, Juggernaut, Knockouts, Lizzy Borden, Man Down, Mitchells, Mouthpiece, Murderer, Rubber Room, Shock Therapy, Shoot Fighter, Sleeping Single In A Double Bed, Snitsky, Storylines, Traci Brooks, Tribal Design, Umaga, Whit
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