Tuesday, September 6th, 2011
Welcome again folks, its your host Matt B. Wrestle and with me today is WWE former champion and current money maker of Vince’s Empire, John Cena.
Mr. U Can't C Me
M Wrestle: Hey John, so you stated in the wrestling press that the Divas are very important and how you want the fans to start a “Divas Matter” Initiative. How have you progressed?
Cena: Well, Matt for everyone out there who knows I strongly support the division and the women bust their a$$ every day to make their matches work. I believe the fans just haven’t seen how hard they work.
M Wrestle: I think the current trend of thinking is that they are a glorified bathroom break. There a mini intermission as it were.
Cena: Nothing can be further from the truth. We have plenty of new divas coming in who just need to be broken in. You don’t just come in to this business already knowing how to wrestle. They have to have a look that is marketable then the real training can begin.
M Wrestle: Because you’re in the entertainment business not the wrestling business? right?
Cena: Kinda. We still are wrestlers just look at my boy Daniel Bryan, he walks around with a shirt that says “wrestler” on it. Just go to shopWWe. com
M Wrestle: Okay. But before we go off topic your saying they have to have model bodies before being considered a viable option?
Cena: Not really true for all cases but its a start. Just look at Kharma, Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Gail and Melina.
M. Wrestle: You are aware that Kharma is preggers, Melina has been fired, Natalya is pretty non existant, Gail quit in protest and Beth is jobbing to Kelly Kelly who has an inate fear of the ring ropes.
Cena: Well, I don’t know where you get your information but Kelly Kelly is not afraid of the ropes. And Beth is a heel. (rubs nose)
M. Wrestle: Problem John? Have a Pinocchio complex?
Cena: What? I’m not a wooden boy!
M Wrestle: (underbreath) So missed the point.
Cena: Huh?
M Wrestle: Nothing. Had to catch a sneeze. So should we look out for Alicia Fox, the Bella Twins and AJ to be the future of the division?
Cena: These are very talented ladies who should help bring WWe to the forefront. To one day even surpass the formers Divas of old.
M Wrestle: You mean Luna, Sable, Trish, Lita, Ivory, Jacqueline and Alundra Blaze?
Cena: Yeah, and who’s Alundra Blaze I think you’re misinformed.
M Wrestle: Yeah. I probably absently inserted a Joshi wrestler.
Cena: Joshi, what?
M. Wrestle: (rolls eyes) Moving on, what is Vince’s grand scheme for the Division?
Cena: He hoping to use them as role models for the young female fans . To be a source of pride. We have many women of different sizes in our division. (rubs his nose) Who all love one another. And respect each other.
M Wrestle: It makes sense look at the Bella Twins and former LayCool between the two they had nothing but love for Mickie James and Kharma.
Cena: Yeah?
M Wrestle: (rolls eyes in an almost Undertaker fashion)
Cena: Matt, you may want to get that checked out.
M Wrestle: Thanks John. Maybe we can go together me for my eyes and you for your nose?
Cena: Okay?
M Wrestle: Hope to see you again soon as Champion.
Next week: On the road with John Morrison.
My Name is Matt B. Wrestle, but you already know that.
Tags: Bathroom Break, Beth Phoenix, Daniel Bryan, Entertainment Business, Gail, Grand Scheme, Hey John, Intermission, John Cena, Kelly Kelly, Model Bodies, Money Maker, Natalya, New Divas, Non Existant, Pinocchio, Pinocchio Complex, Ring Ropes, Sneeze, Viable Option, Wrestlers, Wrestling Divas
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Monday, January 4th, 2010
Wrestling-Radio.com, a great site for wrestling news that doesn’t bombard you with popups and preloading site ads, recently featured a couple of our images (namely, the John Cena sneakers from “I’m Not Making This Up” and the MVP as WWE Champion picture from “’5th Grader’ Knows It’s WWE History”), unbeknown to us. Apparently, they got them via e-mail from people who didn’t bother to tell them where, exactly, they got these images. Wrestling-Radio.com has since given us credit for the photos, which I personally took with my cell phone, and I’m giving them permission to keep them up – but please, if anybody reading this site is going to take our images and send them off to another wrestling site, please make sure you give us credit.
Tags: Cell Phone, Champion, E Mail, Images, John Cena, Mvp, Photos, Popups, Preloading, Sneakers, Wrestling News, Wrestling Radio, Wwe
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Saturday, May 16th, 2009
I hit up the local WalMart today to pick up an air mattress, since falling asleep on the floor during iMPACT! this past Thursday left me with a bruised hip and a sore enough back that I couldn’t even close my car door without cringing. What the hell is wrong with this world when Kevin Nash can work matches without hurting himself every week and I can’t even watch TNA’s show without being in pain the next day? Anyways, that’s irrelevant to the story.
So I’m at Wally World, and happened to pass by the sneaker section when I saw something that would probably wind up on WrestleCrap’s “Someone Bought This” section. Instead of jumping straight to my e-mail and sending a message to RD Reynolds, I remembered I had my own sports-entertainment satire site. Anyways, despite the what the guy whose picture is on these shoes says, I could see him. I could see him just fine. The fact remains that when I was a little kid, if there were Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior shoes, I probably would’ve begged my parents for them, so this is actually a brilliant marketing move on the part of World Wrestling Entertainment.
Seriously though, John Cena sneakers (no, there weren’t old school Reebok pumps on them, sadly)?
Seriously - John Cena sneakers!
Complete with WWE logo treads!
If the image quality isn’t all that great, I apologize. I don’t make a habit of bringing my camera with me on trips to the store, so the best I can do is these camera phone shots.
Tags: Air Mattress, Brilliant Marketing, Camera Phone Shots, Car Door, E Mail, Hulk Hogan, Image Quality, John Cena, Kevin Nash, Little Kid, Own Sports, Rd Reynolds, Reebok Pumps, Sending A Message, Sneaker, Sneakers, Ultimate Warrior, Wally World, Walmart, World Wrestling Entertainment
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
PARENTAL ADVISORY: Green Teabagger’s thoughts are not safe for work, home, church, hospitals, probably not even the internet. Hell, Green Teabagger himself isn’t safe for work. The following is a pile of mostly wrestling-related profanity filled rants, thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that he has whether he is watching wrestling, at work, at home, watching cheesy Japanese anime, making fart jokes, and/or taking a dump after eating dinner at Taco Bell. There’s a fairly decent chance he’s wrong about something, but screw it. It’s his screwed up head. He runs with his thoughts and isn’t afraid to spew off about them all. You’ve been warned.
Last week, I felt like shit. In fact, thats mostly what I was doing. Throwing up and shitting. I felt like a walking John Cena joke minus the gay. Even the curative magical properties of Velvet Sky’s bubbly perfect bouncing ass couldn’t get me out of my funk, and Lord knows she certainly did try. I guess this was my body telling me I should have watched Wrestlemania instead of missing it for the first time in almost twenty years. Keeping this one short, there isn’t even going to be The End of the Universe this time. Oh well, I’m back now…..
Point 1. Let me repeat this: I did not see Wrestlemania. The only way I would regret this decision was if they actually pulled the trigger and had Shawn Michaels defeat The Undertaker. The only thing I can say I’m pissed about from reading is was that The Colons have the tag titles and thanks to last night’s draft it dosen’t appear to be rectified anytime soon.
Something that did bother me coming out of Mania wasn’t a match at Mania, but the reaction to it. I read and heard a good bunch of bitching about “OMG, Triple H beat Orton AGAIN” Well……yeah. Was any other result really expected? Given the storyline, given Hunter’s “emotion”, there couldn’t have been any other result besides Hunter winning. For those bitching, “its just Hunter going over at Mania again.” Triple H hadn’t won at Wrestlemania since he humiliated Booker T at Wrestlemania 19. This includes losses to Chris Benoit/Shawn Michaels (remember, that never happened), Batista, John Cena, and Randy Orton last year in a Triple Threat with Cena. It’s not that big of a deal. That said, now that Hunter is “home” on Raw again, I fully expect the Hunterbeast to chew Orton up like a Christian fed to the lions.
Point 2. I know I’m alone in this, but….I’m not a fan of “Santina” Marella. Don’t get me wrong, its hilarious, but the pathetic kind of funny instead of the comedic kind. Santino Marella winning Miss Wrestlemania = Hilarious. “Santina” Marella winning Miss Wrestlemania = Ugh. I guess its going to be Friday now where “Santina” has to make out with The Great Khali on the Khali KissCam in his new shiny red pants. I hope this ends by Backlash, and with Beth Phoenix beating the shit out of “Santina”
Point 3. I know its hopeless, but the only thing I want out of baseball this year is the Yankees not making the playoffs again. To them, thats as good as last place even if they win 95 games, which they could do and still finish in third place in the AL East. Of course, if the Yankees actually DID finish in last place, that would be infuckingcredible and I think I would actually buy a drink to celebrate.
Point 4. The Brian Kendrick is freaking awesome. Last year, when he first turned heel he was amazing. He was good enough that WWE put him in a main event level match at a pay-per-view in one of the “Scramble” matches. After that, they forgot all about him and now they’ve been using him simply to job. Why???? You give him a character he’s run with and do nothing else with it? I don’t get it. I’m not saying TBK should be knocking off Edge, Triple H, Cena, Taker, etc in World Title level matches, but you couldn’t tell me The Brian Kendrick couldn’t run over ECW with Ezekiel Jackson in his corner. Maybe the supplemental draft will send him there….
Point 5. The WWE Draft was last night on Raw, so……..that happened.
What looked like an absolute prison rape being done by Raw to Smackdown turned into a series of rough handjobs by the end of the night.
Raw ends up getting Triple H (what a stunner), Matt Hardy, Big Show, MVP, The Miz, and Maryse.
Smackdown ends up getting Chris Jericho, Rey Misterio, C.M. Punk, Kane, and Melina.
ECW ends up with Vladimir Kozlov. (SIDE NOTE: Ewww….maybe TBK couldn’t run over ECW *rollseyes* )
I’m not going to into any deep analysis of this until after Wednesday’s supplemental draft because most of the questions will be answered then by midcard moves, but I do have a few quick notes.
With Triple H moving back home to Raw, Chris Jericho and C.M. Punk moving to Smackdown was literally the greatest thing that could have happened to them. Look back in history, there’s only one thing Triple H likes to do more besides eating and destroying Randy Orton……eating and destroying Chris Jericho, or does someone have to go watch what happened at Wrestlemania 17 and what happened after that? Punk would have been in the lower midcard by default if he had stayed on Raw. It will be interesting to see how Edge and Chris Jericho end up interacting however.
How long before the McMahon/Triple H feud against Randy Orton and Legacy turn into The McMahons and D-X against Randy Orton and Legacy?
Maryse to Raw with the Butterfly belt, and Melina to the B-show with the Women’s Title? Really? Confusing.
I don’t even have the words to describe my disgust and anger over what WWE just did to John Morrison and The Miz. I really don’t. They finally have a chance to restore some faith in the tag team division in WWE and they promptly take a giant dump on it.
Next week, when I do another one of these (maybe), I’ll have The End of the Universe, Chris Benoit, and “Just because its popular dosen’t mean it dosen’t suck”
Until next time….
G-Bag
Tags: Anger Management, Colons, Decent Chance, Emotion, Fart Jokes, Hadn, Japanese Anime, John Cena, Joke, Magical Properties, Profanity, Shawn Michaels, Taco Bell, Tag Titles, Taking A Dump, Triple H, Twenty Years, Undertaker, Velvet Sky, Wrestlemania
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