Monday, March 23rd, 2009
The character of Arthur ‘the Fonz’ Fonzarelli, played by Henry Winkler in the TV Show ‘Happy Days’, is based on Kurt Angle.
Tags: Arthur, Fonz, Happy Days, Henry Winkler, Kurt Angle
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Friday, March 20th, 2009
Am I the only one who wonders about the logic (or lack thereof) that is the storylines of Total Nonstop Absurdity?
To whit:
When did Abyss get the girl?
A year ago, wasnt he Father James Mitchells bastard spawn? And had a half brother named Judas Messias(or was his name Claude Rains-because he dissappeared without a trace)
Then he was put in a rubber room and given shock therapy to get over his violent urges- and before that, he had been revealed to be a murderer and an ex-con. Just that right there should be enough to get him a “sleeping single in a double bed” award from any woman this side of Lizzy Borden. (The real one with a fancy for axes- not Rob Black’s wife who has a fancy for everything this side of the sixth ring of Dante’s inferno if the price is right)
When did Traci Brooks become a referee? Wasnt she just the onscreen representative and mouthpiece for the knockouts and answering to Jim Cornette, like 2 weeks ago?
If Rock and Rave are gone, what is to become of Christy Hemme? She hasnt had a solo story line in 2 years, except when she got fed to Kong and buried quicker than Joe tapped to Kurt.
And speaking of SamoaNew Jack Joe? He comes in as a strong style stiff pureso style quasi- shoot fighter. Fans are begging for Joe’s push. Then comes the juggernaut named Angle. Fans are sporting erections that they could crack walnuts with over the thoughts of a Kurt/Joe 60 minute iron man down broadway. And they wait. And wait some more. And they get treated FINALLY to Joe tapping out in 8 minutes and looking for all the world like the worlds biggest bitch. In the words of Crazy Uncle Vizhiri (iron shiek) Khoslov “Leetle punk faggot son-of-bitch I weel humble! I fuck his ass in ring!” is what King Kurt did.
Now where is he?Give him new tights, a haircut, and draw a tribal design penis on his face….and VOILA! Instant cross between New Jack,Umaga,baby-puntin Snitsky, and evil Kane. Except for one thing. The gimmick doesnt fit.
Throw that one on the Bizzarro world garbage pile, IMO. Right next to The love guru,Super Eric, Lil’ Poppa Pump, and Black Macheezeball.
And look at Thursday night. THe Motor City Machine Guuns( arguably the best tag team in the biz today IMO) against a team from NJPW. Not exactly Go Fixer vs Dragon Gate, but a damn fine paring nonetheless. And they get curtain jerker status AFTER MEM gets 23 minutes for nothing more than to recycle Angle & Sting dont like each other, Foley misses the ring, and Angle dont like Jarrett….
Dont get me wrong- TNA has a ton of potential. But right now its stagnant. If they were wildly successful at one point, I’d say they are resting on their laurels- but they never were! Right now, its like stepping into a time machine and watching a Generic NWO suck the last drop of life out of WCW.
If some of the up and coming talent of any organization- TNa, ROH, or WWE got a third of the air time that Middle-aged Ego Mafia gets weekly, the wrestling landscape would change figuratively before our eyes.
Instead we get “HEY1 THIS WEEK ITS KURT VS.JARRET, WITH STING AS SPECIAL ENFORCER AND MICK FOLEY AS REFEREE! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO SEE STING VS. FOLEY WITH JEFF JARRETT AS SPECIAL REFEREE AND KURT ANGLE AS SPECIAL ENFORCER! AND AT OUR NEXT PAY PER VIEW IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED- KURT ANGLE VS STING IN A WORLD TITLE SUSPENDED FROM A POLE REVERSE ELIMINATION IRON MAN CHALLENGE WITH MICK FOLEY AS SPECIAL REFEREE!”
Welcome to bizarro world, kiddies. You dont have to be drunk as a monkey or stoned to watch us- but it sure does help!
Tags: Absurdity, Abyss, Array, Axes, Christy, Claude Rains, Crazy Uncle, Dante, Dante Inferno, Dante S Inferno, Half Brother, Iron Man, Iron Shiek, Jim Cornette, Judas Messias, Juggernaut, Knockouts, Lizzy Borden, Man Down, Mitchells, Mouthpiece, Murderer, Rubber Room, Shock Therapy, Shoot Fighter, Sleeping Single In A Double Bed, Snitsky, Storylines, Traci Brooks, Tribal Design, Umaga, Whit
Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Friday, March 20th, 2009
***This is from several years ago. There may be more now.
You ever have too much time on your hands? A friend and I did, and may the lord have pity on our souls. I’m sure that you’ve played the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” game before. You know, where you try to link up the film roles of a chain of actors and lead back to the master of the B-movie in six steps or less? Well, with guys like Rocky and (shudder) Hogan in the movies, we got to thinking…..and that’s where things went to hell. Maybe the heroin helped….. Making a list of EVERY sports entertainer that we could think of who had crossed over into TV or movies, we began to track them back to Bacon. The really freaky part (aside from the fact that we would spend this much time at it) was that in most cases, the closer a wrestler was to Bacon, the higher up they were on the card. Check it:
Tags: 18 Wheels Of Justice, Alan Rickman, Andre The Giant, Azaria Hank, Bret The Hitman Hart, Carey Elwes, Degrees Of Kevin Bacon, G Gordon Liddy, Hank Azaria, Jones Tommy Lee, Kevin Bacon, Kevin Bacon Game, Prince Of Thieves, Reginald Vel Johnson, Rickman Alan, Robin Hood Prince, Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves, Sarah Jessica Parker, Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon, Tommy Lee Jones
Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
After the PPV “Destinastion X on sunday, have you ever wonder what its like to be backstage at a pay-per-view event? Ever wonder what happens backstage at a TNA spectacle? Then lets pull back the curtain and see……..
The time- 20 minutes before the dark matches of a TNA pay-per-view,
The place- backstage behind the curtain. J-E(haha)DOUBLE-F(haha) J-A(haha) DOUBLE-R(haha) E-DOUBLE-T(meh) is searching high and low for our hero Vinny Ru. Finally he finds him coming out of a broom closet with a piece of duct tape across the door that says “Creative team working- DO NOT DISTURB” written in sharpie marker.
JJ: Vince, where have you been? The PPV is on in an hour! Where’s the booking sheets? Where’s the production notes? What is the plan? What are we gonna do?
VR: Relaxx, Jeff; Itz undah control! Me and the boys in creative gotz it all undah control. Herez da bookin sheetz an’ the production notez fer da show!
(reaches into pocket and then hands a matchbook cover and a 1.5 zig-zag rolling paper)
VR: See-we gotta scale it back some,an’ streamline it a lil bit, but thats a liscense to print money right there!
JJ reads- “Show opens-
MEM comes out-
filler-
chix match-
filler-
spot monkeys-flippy flops
MAIN EVENT- KURT ANGLE!
fade to black
production-
Cold open-cut to back
go to ring
cut to backstage-Interview MEM
repeat as needed
fade to black
JJ- what the hell is this? 8 hours of creative meeting, and I get a matchbook and a rolling paper for it?? Wheres Corny?
VR: He left about an hour in, boss. Sumthin about lunatics runnin an asylum….Maybe itz an angle fer da next PPV!
JJ: I’m gonna talk to the writers-
(Jeff opens the door and finds a used Mr. Socko, a Hasbro magic 8-ball toy, a set of windup chattering teeth, and what appears to be a homeless man in a cardboard box sleeping in his own urine)
JJ: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? WHERES THE WRITERS WE HIRED? WHERES THE FOCUS STUDIES DIXIE PAID FOR? WHO THE HELL IS THAT SLEEPING IN THE CORNER??
VR: Relax, boss, We hadda fire some writers and replace a few otherz, but I know me an’ my brain trust are gonna knock one out of the park!
JJ: Socko?
VRR: Nah- he prefers to be called C.B. DeSocko now! Creative genius once I got him away from Foley.
JJ: is that an 8 ball?
VR: nah- Thatz standardz an’ practicez! I clear everything thru dem first! And that is Harold.
JJ: Whats his job?
VR: I dunno- I thought youz hired him, boss! Allz I know iz he makes more than Kong or any of them flippy-flopperz make. Don’t worry, boss- I always work better on da fly, an’ by da seat of my pantz!
(Vinny Ru slips on Socko and starts talking to himself in a high falsetto. Jeff walks out shaking his head and runs into Kevin Nash, who hands him a note)
“Dear Mr Jarrett- Please excuse Kevin from tonights pay per view. He has________.
Signed,
Kevin’s Doctor”
JJ: Kev- the note has a blank in it where it tells me whats wrong
Nash: Dammit! Hold on Jeff-
(turning around, Kevin pulls out a “Medical terms for Dummies” paperback book and flips to a random page)
-it shoulda said Dyspeptic esophogeal diverticulitis.
JJ: What is that?
Nash: I’m not sure, but I got a severe case of it! I’m goin home! See ya at the next TV taping…..
(Jeff’s cell rings)
JJ: Hello? Oh , hi Dixie! Oh, its going ok- believe me, this is a PPV that will be unbelieveable! NO ONE is gonna imagine how unbelieveable. Bye!
Tags: Ball Toy, Bookin, Booking Sheets, Brai, Brain Trust, Broom Closet, Cardboard Box, Chattering Teeth, Creative Genius, Creative Team, Duct Tape, Fade To Black, Focus Studies, Foley, Gotz, Homeless Man, Itz, Kurt Angle, Lil Bit, Lunatics, Magic 8 Ball, Matchbook, Mr Socko, Ppv, Relaxx, Sumthin, Vrr, Windup
Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
Well, as the header states, ThinnkSoJoe came up with the site from a throwaway wrestlecrap joke. Any one from the WWI message board that reads the threads for Monday Night Raw or TNA impact recognize me as the sultan of smarmy one liners, the Ayatollah of twisted wry humor, one of the Kings of Commentary, the inventor of the TNA drinking game, the one and only SABUISGOD!
But enough about me.
What I envisioned when Joe gave me the greenlight is to make this sort of an homage to the great JG-James Guttman and his RAW insanity reviews, and the recently deceased Obtuse Angle that parodied the WWE.
I’m hoping to make a parody of TNA impact. However, at times that is like making fun of the losers at the special olympics- Just too damn easy. However, believe me, its going to get more than a little zany, over the top, nonsensical, off color and at times downright rediculous as we follow the trials and travails of the juggernaut that is Vinny Ru and his Total Nonstop Absurdity!
Cross The Line!
So keep checking back and look for announcements on www.boredwrestlingfan.com, or announcement threads on WWI message board as to new content.
And believe me- any creative comments or criticisms are welcomed.
Tags: Absurdity, Ayatollah, Creative Comments, Cross The Line, Drinking Game, first edition, Greenlight, Homage, James Guttman, Jg, Juggernaut, Obtuse Angle, One Liners, Parody, Smarmy, Special Olympics, Tna Impact, Travails, Wry Humor, Wwe, Zany
Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Sunday, March 15th, 2009
Welcome to VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com! This site was inspired by a throwaway joke in the March 6, 2009 WrestleCrap.com update, and is operated by Fropac Entertainment, the parent company of BoredWrestlingFan.com.
Here at VRWHBG, we hope to entertain you with our unique brand of Sports Entertainment satire.
Thank you for visiting, expect original content very, VERY soon!
Tags: Entertainment Company, Hello World, Joke, Parent Company, Satire, Sports Entertainment
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
