Well here is my special report.

Matt: Okay. Here we are standing outside of the arena awaiting Morrison. (looks to camera guy) make sure you get their good side.

CAM: But didn’t Melina have Botox injections?

Matt: Well you know what I mean. Just make sure you can see the star quality.

CAM: Okay?

Matt: Oh here they come.

Melina steps out first. Waving at her adoring fans. Her face showing little emotion. Lurking in the back is Morrison who seems to appear from behind her with a pink Cardigan coat draped over his arm. Obviously for Melina.

Matt: John, John Morrison over here.

Melina looks annoyed. She plops her arm out to block access to Morrison.

Melina: (obviously annoyed) So which one of you is Matt?

Matt: ME! Mr. Matt B. Wrestle. (puts out hand)

Melina: Oh okay. (ignores hand) I want to know why you forgot to invite me?

Matt: I heard you were busy. But he was free. I called your agent.

Melina: (to herself) I will have to fire my agent. (Really mother)

CAM: It is nice to meet you

Melina: Yeah. I know right.

By now Morrison has moved from behind her shakes my hand.

John: Hi Mr. Wrestle. You ready to shadow us for the next week or so?

Matt: Ready when you two are.

Melina: Come on Matt we have to go see Vince about an upcoming program.

 We follow John and Melina as we go into Titan Tower. Once we enter into the lobby I can feel an aura of fear from the other employees when they see Melina. John receives pretty positive smiles and waves (minus of course from the frightened females) Making our way to Vince’s office Melina stops off at the vending machine and grabs some skittles.

Matt: So I hear you like those alot?

Melina: (Shoots glare) What of it? You going to chastise me too?

Matt: No just saying you could spokesperson for them.

She seems to really ponder the question before shaking it from memory.

Melina: No. Vince wouldn’t allow it.

John: (to Melina) So what are we going to ask him?

Melina: About pushes of course. Now that that heffer Mickie James is gone, I should be getting a bigger push. Isn’t that what you want?

John: Of course. I’ve had my push its your turn. (editors note* Morrison was given a push when he was ECW Champion, before the scandal that followed the Chris Benoit tragedy, With his name popping up on a performance enhancing drug list. Since John has kept a low profile.)

Walking into Vince’s office we watch as he is having an impromptu meeting with Michael Hayes, discussing the proposed push of Mark Henry.

Hayes: He’s a big boy that Henry. Dark vicious and mean. He can be America’s biggest fear of the coloreds getting out of their place.

Vince: You think that could work.

Hayes: Yes, you’ve seen the movie King Kong?  The ape leaves the island and terrorizes New York.

Vince: OH YES! We should work up posters of Henry clinging to Empire State Building with a look of menace, followed by that phrase he would say…uh uh

Matt: “Dig down to the white meat?”

Vince looks up seeming ly oblivious to who I am. Hayes has a disgusted look as if I took his favorite toy.

Vince: That’s right! Hayes work on that right away with marketing.

Hayes gets up staring at me as if I shot his dog and mutters obscenities as he leaves. Not even acknowledging Morrison or the Camera Guy for that matter. Only a sly wink at Melina. Who seems to casually nod in response.

After watching what just went down my stomach turned sour. I knew I was in for a long ride.

Mr. U Can't C Me

M Wrestle: Hey John, so you stated in the wrestling press that the Divas are very important and how you want the fans to start a “Divas Matter” Initiative. How have you progressed?

Cena: Well, Matt for everyone out there who knows I strongly support the division and the women bust their a$$ every day to make their matches work. I believe the fans just haven’t seen how hard they work.

M Wrestle: I think the current trend of thinking is that they are a glorified bathroom break. There a mini intermission as it were.

Cena: Nothing can be further from the truth. We have plenty of new divas coming in who just need to be broken in. You don’t just come in to this business already knowing how to wrestle. They have to have a look that is marketable then the real training can begin.

M Wrestle: Because you’re in the entertainment business not the wrestling business? right?

Cena: Kinda. We still are wrestlers just look at my boy Daniel Bryan, he walks around with a shirt that says “wrestler” on it. Just go to shopWWe. com

M Wrestle: Okay. But before we go off topic your saying they have to have model bodies before being considered a viable option?

Cena: Not really true for all cases but its a start. Just look at Kharma, Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Gail and Melina.

M. Wrestle: You are aware that Kharma is preggers, Melina has been fired, Natalya is pretty non existant, Gail quit in protest and Beth is jobbing to Kelly Kelly who has an inate fear of the ring ropes.

Cena: Well, I don’t know where you get your information but Kelly Kelly is not afraid of the ropes. And Beth is a heel. (rubs nose)

M. Wrestle: Problem John? Have a Pinocchio complex?

Cena: What? I’m not a wooden boy!

M Wrestle: (underbreath) So missed the point.

Cena: Huh?

M Wrestle: Nothing. Had to catch a sneeze. So should we look out for Alicia Fox, the Bella Twins and AJ to be the future of the division?

Cena: These are very talented ladies who should help bring WWe to the forefront. To one day even surpass the formers Divas of old.

M Wrestle: You mean Luna, Sable, Trish, Lita, Ivory, Jacqueline and Alundra Blaze?

Cena: Yeah, and who’s Alundra Blaze I think you’re misinformed.

M Wrestle: Yeah. I probably absently inserted a Joshi wrestler.

Cena: Joshi, what?

M. Wrestle: (rolls eyes) Moving on, what is Vince’s grand scheme for the Division?

Cena: He hoping to use them as role models for the young female fans . To be a source of pride. We have many women of different sizes in our division. (rubs his nose) Who all love one another. And respect each other.

M Wrestle: It makes sense look at the Bella Twins and former LayCool between the two they had nothing but love for Mickie James and Kharma.

Cena: Yeah?

M Wrestle: (rolls eyes in an almost Undertaker fashion)

Cena: Matt, you may want to get that checked out.

M Wrestle: Thanks John. Maybe we can go together me for my eyes and you for your nose? 

Cena: Okay?

M Wrestle: Hope to see you again soon as Champion.

Next week: On the road with John Morrison.

My Name is Matt B. Wrestle, but you already know that.

What the hell am I talking about, you’re no doubt wondering.  Well, take a look at this:

Hmmm.

As you can see, that’s NOT Ted DiBiase in the package.  In fact, that’s not even a Mattel WWE figure – it’s an old Jakks Deluxe Roddy Piper figure!  So, it appears that Ted DiBiase 2 has gone missing.  Maybe he’s hanging out in the DVD aisle, huh?

I swear, it was like this when I got there.

Poor Teddy.  Not only is he missing from the action figure aisle, but the price of his BluRay has been slashed, and then it was replaced with “When In Rome.”  Come to think  of it, I didn’t see him on RAW tonight either – has anybody seen Ted DiBiase?  He seems to have vanished off the face of the planet!

What better way to show your sweetie you love her than by giving her a Valentine’s Day card featuring a guy who legally changed his name to Warrior Warrior?

click for full size

Look ma!  No tattoos!  None.  This is a CM Punk action figure that costs over $10, and there are no tattoos at all.  I didn’t snap a picture of The Undertaker figure from this same series, but it’s also lacking arm ink.  Interestingly enough, the ForceFlex series that didn’t come with any accessories had sketches of their tattoos – not nearly as detailed as the Elite series figures, but at least on par with what Jakks had given us over the years.

The Elite series figures are awesomely detailed, and I definitely plan on trying to pick up the Edge and Undertaker figures when I have the extra cash.  I definitely won’t be earmarking any money towards inked Superstars in the FlexForce series anytime soon.

This week, it’s all about one thing. Monday Night RAW vs. TNA iMPACT!. The Monday Night Wars: January 2010 Edition. The Etc. Etc. Blah Blah Blah.

Everyone has said their thoughts about the night. I’ve read, and listened to plenty of opinions of what happened on January 4. I’ve heard analysis, almost a frame by frame breakdown of the events and happenings of both shows, and now, I thought, that I’m actually gonna try and give it some reasoning. Let’s start with TNA, or as I call it…

Whatcha’ Gonna Do, When 1997 Runs Wild On You?

There are plenty of reasons as to why they decided to go up against RAW this past Monday. To fire the first shot, in the new Monday Night Wars. To show Vince McMahon that TNA aren’t kidding around anymore, or even it was on the part of Spike to try and take a few viewers from the weakening WWE product. But maybe, just maybe, TNA actually had a bit of sense, and decided that it’d be easier to go against RAW, than it is to go against the National Championship Game between Texas and Alabama.

Why not give it a crack? Why not take on something that rates a 3.5 on it’s best days, when you could go against something that will probably rate about a 15. I know, buy a TV rating aspect, which one I’d rather take on. With that worked out, it’s all about how you perform on the night, as to how your future goes. Did TNA come out of the gates like a bull, or did they whimper away faster than Ryan Leaf’s NFL career? To keep on the analogy of NFL QuarterBacks, TNA’s Monday Night show was like Tim Couch. Very few good moments, in what was otherwise a very crap-tacular performance.

One of the good moments however, were Two Championship matches. The KnockOuts Tag Team title match, in which Hamada and Awesome Kong became the second holders of the belts, when they beat previous Champions, Taylor Wilde and Sarita. The second, was the early candidate for Match Of The Year, which pitted the TNA Champion, AJ Styles, against the challenger, Kurt Angle. Even though Ric Flair came out mid-match, for what looked like no apparent reason, this match showed what TNA can produce. If only they had more of this, and a lot less of what the actually showed, then maybe they would have a decent wrestling program.

TNA’s New Motto: Cross The Line… But Only Before An Hour Of Commercials First

The rest… well, scarily enough, it was what most people expected. A re-hashed unlicensed version of WCW circa 1997. They had Hulk Hogan, they had Eric Bischoff, they had Nash, Hall and Sean Waltman. We saw the Nasty Boys, Ric Flair and radio show host, Bubba The Love Sponge. These guys, especially Bubba The Love Sponge, shouldn’t be on a wrestling program, let alone, soak up the majority of the airtime that wasn’t a match. TNA took a punt on bringing in Jeff Hardy, even though he is going to trial for drug charges. Shannon Moore, who hasn’t done anything useful since being Matt Hardy’s lackey. Sean Morley, who interrupted a “strip” poker game involving the Beautiful People, and Orlando Jordan, who interrupted a D’Angelo Dinero interview.

Hardy was a massive risk to bring in, even though he was one of the biggest guys in the business in the last 12 months, because of his actions when he left WWE. Shannon Moore has been in the company before, and I don’t remember anything memorable he achieved during his first run there. However, if Sean Morley is anything like the same Sean Morley that would work over guys on Heat every week, then it could be a good acquisition for the company. The same with Orlando Jordan. He wasn’t utilized as well as what he could have been, being JBL’s right-hand man during Layfield’s long WWE run in 2004-05. It will be interesting to see, just how he is used in Total Nonstop Action.

In the end, this is the bed they have made for themselves. Going back to what has worked in the past, and seeing if it will work again. Let’s see if this time, the young guys get built up, and are not used just for fodder for the old brigade.

"MVP is the longest reigning WWE World Champion!"

You know, I always thought to be the longest reigning World Champion, you’d have to win a World Championship.  “5th Grader” is more educational than I thought!

UPDATE: Don’t let other sites fool you – this is original vincerussowatcheshisbeardgrow.com content.