What the hell am I talking about, you’re no doubt wondering.  Well, take a look at this:

Hmmm.

As you can see, that’s NOT Ted DiBiase in the package.  In fact, that’s not even a Mattel WWE figure – it’s an old Jakks Deluxe Roddy Piper figure!  So, it appears that Ted DiBiase 2 has gone missing.  Maybe he’s hanging out in the DVD aisle, huh?

I swear, it was like this when I got there.

Poor Teddy.  Not only is he missing from the action figure aisle, but the price of his BluRay has been slashed, and then it was replaced with “When In Rome.”  Come to think  of it, I didn’t see him on RAW tonight either – has anybody seen Ted DiBiase?  He seems to have vanished off the face of the planet!

What better way to show your sweetie you love her than by giving her a Valentine’s Day card featuring a guy who legally changed his name to Warrior Warrior?

click for full size

Look ma!  No tattoos!  None.  This is a CM Punk action figure that costs over $10, and there are no tattoos at all.  I didn’t snap a picture of The Undertaker figure from this same series, but it’s also lacking arm ink.  Interestingly enough, the ForceFlex series that didn’t come with any accessories had sketches of their tattoos – not nearly as detailed as the Elite series figures, but at least on par with what Jakks had given us over the years.

The Elite series figures are awesomely detailed, and I definitely plan on trying to pick up the Edge and Undertaker figures when I have the extra cash.  I definitely won’t be earmarking any money towards inked Superstars in the FlexForce series anytime soon.

"MVP is the longest reigning WWE World Champion!"

You know, I always thought to be the longest reigning World Champion, you’d have to win a World Championship.  “5th Grader” is more educational than I thought!

UPDATE: Don’t let other sites fool you – this is original vincerussowatcheshisbeardgrow.com content.

Legends of Wrestling is a fitting title, I mean, look who’s on the cover – Jerry “The King” Lawler, Junk Yard Dog, Sgt. Slaughter, “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, and… Marcus Alexander “Buff” Bagwell?  Seriously?  Buff Bagwell?  Is this a misprint?  Ah, WalMart, you never fail to provide entertaining wrestling products.

So I’m at Wally World, and happened to pass by the sneaker section when I saw something that would probably wind up on WrestleCrap’s “Someone Bought This” section.  Instead of jumping straight to my e-mail and sending a message to RD Reynolds, I remembered I had my own sports-entertainment satire site.  Anyways, despite the what the guy whose picture is on these shoes says, I could see him.  I could see him just fine.  The fact remains that when I was a little kid, if there were Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior shoes, I probably would’ve begged my parents for them, so this is actually a brilliant marketing move on the part of World Wrestling Entertainment.

Seriously though, John Cena sneakers (no, there weren’t old school Reebok pumps on them, sadly)?

Seriously - John Cena sneakers!

Complete with WWE logo treads!

If the image quality isn’t all that great, I apologize.  I don’t make a habit of bringing my camera with me on trips to the store, so the best I can do is these camera phone shots.