Vince Shlomi, the man who sells you your ShamWows in the infomercial, was arrested last month for allegedly attacking a prostitute.
C.B.DeSocko and I were brainstorming, and decided that :
1. His name is Vince,so he’s a natural.
2. His name is in the news.
3. If we hire him, this is the kind of crossover with mainstream media that will put TNA on the map and on everyone’s lips!
Iz Vinnie Ru on a roll or what?
What we (Me and C.B.) did was offer him a job just like that peanut butter survivor Kurt has a hardon for. We might have to can a couple of flippy-floppers,but imagine THIS
Vince Shlomi(not to be confused with yourz truly) iz gonna be our pitchman for a new line of TNA consumable products aimed at our viewerz!
HUH? HUH? Iz Vinny Ru on a roll or what?
Here’z a partial list of products that me and Socko came up with recently. We wuz just waiting for the right time to spring them on you.(And we didnt even know about the shamwow dude at the time even!)
Ever want that Eddie Vedder circa 1993 hairstyle,but dont want to wait 2 weeks to get that greasy,slept on and not combed look? Well, wait no more with the TNA/Kevin Nash line of “BIG SEXY” haircare products!
Ever wish that you could look ripped,jacked,stacked,and shredded;but dont have years to devote to it? Then the TNA/BIG POPPA PUMP”physique in a bottle” is for you!
Want random sorta-semi famous and/or borderline hot chicks to be attracted to you? Then TNA/Kurt Angle pheremone love spray is for you! Made from pure pheremones extracted from Kurt’s actual sweat! (Me and Socko have had Harold collecting it for weeks!) Since we even used a Shamwow to do it, there’s more cross-over publicity!
Iz Vinny Ru on a roll or what?
We got some more products we’re working on. If we can get Chef Tony to sponsor it, we got the Samoa Joe opponent stabber/kitchen cutlery set. Itz still up in the air if we can get the Awesome Kong/Booker T braid extension home kit,or the Sheik Abdul whatzizname combo headwrap/picnic tablespread, or the Velvet Sky inflatable ass into production on short notice.
I know you’re busy, so if I dont hear from you in 10 minutes, I’ll assume I have your blessing and pull the trigger on this goldmine!
PARENTAL ADVISORY: Green Teabagger’s thoughts are not safe for work. They’re probably not safe for home either. Hell, Green Teabagger himself isn’t safe for work. The following is a pile of mostly wrestling-related profanity filled rants, thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that I have whether I’m watching wrestling, at work, at home, watching cheesy Japanese anime, making fart jokes, and/or taking a dump after eating dinner at Taco Bell. There’s a fairly decent chance I’m wrong about something, but screw it. It’s my head. They’re my thoughts so I run with it. You’ve been warned.
Our humble leader, ThinkSoJoe, decided to allow me the right to post shit on VRWHBG (good grief, thats a lot of initials)
I’m guessing its because of the evergrowing monster that has become Kurt Angle’s intro whenever he comes out on Impact that appears on World Wrestling Insanity’s Impact Message Board, he enjoys my cynical/angry view on things, or he’s on drugs. Either way, I’ll run with it.
Here is the current version of the Angle intro (usually updated on a weekly basis)
OMFG! Hey look, it’s The Greatest Wrestler of All Time, Best Wrestler Alive Today, 34-time World Champion, 163-time Tag Team Champion (148 of which he carried a partner, of those 3 he held with a midget as a partner, one reign where his partner was a blind three-legged alligator with lockjaw, rabies, and hepatitis B, and Spider-Man (contractually obligated to do so by Universal Studios Florida)), The Greatest X-Division Champion of All Time, Greatest IWGP Champion of All Time, former Knockouts Champion, 4-time Winner of the Jeremy Borash Award for TNA’s Sexiest Bachelor, Father of the Year, Time Magazine Man of the Year, 3-time Emmy Award Winning, 2-time Grammy Award Winner, Academy Award Nominated, Four Star French Chef, 39-time winner of the Annual Kurt Angle Great American Award (only other time awarded to JBL), Nobel Prize recipient in the fields of Physics and Literature, three-time NHL MVP, Masters Champion, the only person to win a World Series of Poker event with an UNO deck, the only American to ever be Prime Minister of Canada, recipient of the the Lifetime Acheivement Award for Outstanding Accomplishments in the Field of Excellence, the only man to ever beat Chuck Norris in a fight, reigning World Record Holder for eating the most sticks of butter in under eight minutes, once bowled four perfect games in a row then bowled a 400, the face on the $40 bill, American Idol winner, saved a bunch of money by changing his car insurance to Progressive (made Geico Gecko tap out in six minutes), replaced James Guttman as The Black Scorpion in WCW, 4-time Tiddlywinks Champion in Mrs. Biederman’s kindergarten class, 2-time Obie award winner for his riveting performances in The Vagina Monologues, Level 80 on Hello Kitty Island Adventure, has America’s highest Credit Score (8 billion), recieved the NAACP Humanitarian Award for beating up Al Sharpton, can cabbage fart the National Anthem, Adult Video News Award Winner for Best Male Newcomer, Performer of the Year-Gay Video, Transsexual Performer of the Year, Best Anal Sex Scene, Best Oral Sex Scene–Video, Best Threeway Sex Scene–Video, Best Interracial Release, Best Supporting Actor–Film, Best BiSexual/Gay Video, Best Couples Sex Scene (w/Karen Angle), World’s Greatest Grandma (has the mug to prove it), who correctly predicted all 63 games of the NCAA Tournament each of the last twelve years (obviously won every NCAA pool he was in), Tiger Beat Hottie of the Decade [SIDE NOTE: Edge and Christian must be pissed], 6-time National Double Dutch champion, Olympic Gold Medalist and All-Around Super Ultra Mega God Kurt BAH GAWD Angle!
Yeah, I’m insane. I also get pissed off, and that’s about as wordy as I get. I’ve got some catching up to do…..In no particular order…..
Point 1. I was going to call the Points “Rounds” but that would draw John Cena 12 Rounds jokes I don’t feel like putting up with.
Point 2. Speaking of UberCena and his new movie. Attn WWE: No one gives a shit about the background of the characters before its released. It won’t make Cena’s fans want to see it because they were going to go anyway, and those of us who didn’t want to see it are just going to be further motivated NOT to go see it, like myself. I personally would rather light a ten dollar bill on fire. The cost is the same as the movie, and I’d probably be more entertained.
Point 3. How in the hell does TNA expect its fans to take anyone that isn’t Rhino or a Dudley in The Frontline seriosuly when Kurt Angle devours 8 1/2 people in a matter of minutes on Impact? I get that Angle is TNA’s top star but there is no reason to humiliate people just to sate that dick’s ego. Speaking of dicks, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since these are the same people who lowballed Gail Kim when her contract came up, the woman TNA built the Knockout Division around, and then turned around and gave more money than they offered Gail Kim to some Survivor whore because Kurt Angle has a boner for her. Jenna something? The only thing I know about her is she was the butterface that stripped for peanut butter. I don’t know what her name is, and I don’t give a damn.
Point 4. Let me get this straight TNA. You have two beautiful talented women in Cheerleader Melissa (Raisha Saeed) and “The Governor” (Daffney) and they get covered up like nuns, and yet a fugly skank like Rhaka Khan gets to run around half naked with enough make-up on to make the late Tammy Faye Bakker flinch. Good grief.
Point 5. Speaking of Daffney…..”The Governor” Really? People stopped giving a shit about Sarah Palin approximately two seconds after Barack Obama won the election, and you still pushed this gimmick down our throats. Let the Queen of Scream reclaim her throne!
Point 6. Wrestlemania is going to cost $55 this year. I’m not that excited for Hardy v Hardy, MitB, or either of the World Title matches. The only match I’m looking forward to on this card is Shawn Michaels v. The Undertaker. Even if its obvious that The Undertaker wins, you still want to see it. There is still that faint belief in the back of your head that HBK is going to end the streak. You had this feeling a few years ago with Randy Orton, and you even had it with Dave Batista of all people*, but you still “knew” The Undertaker was going to cash in another victory. So far, I don’t think I’m going to spend the 55 bones to see this.
Point 7. Chris Jericho deserves better than this shit. A three-on-one handicap match against Ricky Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka, and Roddy Piper with Ric Flair in their corner. This storyline started strong and has turned into monkey shit even with the epic beatdown Jericho laid on Ric Flair on RAW. I don’t know if the original plan was Jericho-Flair, Jericho-Austin, or heaven forbid even Jericho-Mickey fucking Rourke, but the payoff is a flat out disappointment.
Point 8. If there is a just and loving God, Buddah, Moses, whichever deity you choose to pray too, please let John Morrison and The Miz win the Tag Title v. Tag Title match against The Colons at Wrestlemania. John Morrison and The Miz were crap by themselves, but they have drawn out the best out of each other since forming a tag team and it should be nurtured and pushed seriously for a long time. They deserve it. John Morrison and The Miz are the best tag team WWE has had since Demolition. Yeah, I said it.
Point 9. Has Shelton Benjamin figured it out yet? This is the fifth year in a row that he’s been in the Money in the Bank match. In fact, he’s the only person who has been in all of them. When will Blondie Benjamin figure out that there is a reason why he hasn’t moved up the WM card in five years? Or will he ever?
Point 10. Mark Henry is in Money in the Bank. Imagine the horror when he is on the top of the ladder and someone tips it over. Exactly.
Point 11. I thought UMAGA~! came back? Did I miss something?
Point 12. ECW on SciFi, SyFy, Syphy, whatever its called…..is the best wrestling show on television. Screw RAW, Screw Smackdown, and double screw Impact.
Point 13. Please save Christopher Daniels. Frankie Kazarian, I’m begging you to heal as fast as possible. Please get Daniels out of the Suicide gimmick.
Point 14. The NCAA tournament is down to The Elite Eight…all four #1 Seeds (Louisville, Pittsburgh, North Carolina, Connecticut), two #2 Seeds (Michigan State, Oklahoma), and a pair of #3 Seeds (Villanova, Missouri). I’d get used to a lack of lower seeds in the later rounds. George Mason taught everyone a lesson, especially the top schools. Teams can’t sleep on anyone anymore. Pittsburgh almost found out the hard way against the #16 Seed East Tennessee State in the first round. Cinderella isn’t gonna be making it this far for a while. Hell, Cinderella isn’t even getting to the ball anymore. My own bracket was shot to hell thanks to Memphis and Syracuse not showing up for their games. I still think Pitino and Louisville are going to get the job done.
Point 15. I’ve been watching old AWA Wrestling on ESPN Classic recently….seeing a young Shawn Michaels was weird. Seeing a young Big Van Vader under his real name Leon White was out there. They showed a match between then “The Baby Bull” Leon White versus AWA World Champion Stan Hansen. Scary stuff knowing what was in the future for the two of them………..Here’s the Eye-Pop-Out Match Part 1Part 2Part 3 Good grief.
Point 16. Given the “Angle Intro” at the beginning of the article, you might think I have a lot of anger to vent about Kurt Angle, and I do. I just don’t have enough time in the year to make a full rant about that broken down megalomaniacal self-obsessed asswipe.
Point 17. I think I need a better title than Anger Management.
Next week, when I do another one of these (maybe), I’ll have Wrestlemania predictions, my favorite kind of cheese, Don West, why Lockdown sucks, and why I’m not that funny.
The End of The Universe
Every week, between what I witness from working at a grocery store, what I see in wrestling and in entertainment, and everywhere else I see things that make me worry about the state of humanity. Items, incidents, or just people that remind me just how stupid we all are. It makes me realize why aliens haven’t come down here looking for intelligent life. We don’t friggin’ have any. These are three of the many signs of the end. THE END OF THE UNIVERSE!
1. I know it happened over a month ago, but it still happened. The Arizona Cardinals were in the Super Bowl and were four minutes away from winning it. I thought I would be long dead before they ever sniffed it, and now NFL Analysts are saying the Cardinals might be a favorite to go BACK to the Super Bowl next year. Pure craziness.
2. Fast and Furious? Really? The world needed ANOTHER one of these. I can imagine the meeting for this. “Hmm, we haven’t beaten this dead horse enough yet. I know, what if we take the stars of the first one with the *ahem* star of the second one and put them together?! We can just remove the “The” from the title. FAST AND FURIOUS!” I thought “Tokyo Drift” finally murdered this shit once and for all.
3. Two words: CANNED BACON. CANNED BACON! Bacon that lasts for ten years………I can’t explain it, but there is something unsettling about this. Bacon doesn’t belong in a can. It’s just wrong. I can’t fathom the thought process behind someone wanting to can bacon. It took me years to get over the existence of soymilk (Milk does not come from a bean, damn it) but this is just traumatizing.
I only had one reaction when I saw it for the first time…..
Canned bacon…..I worry for us all.
Until next time….
*Mainly because from what I understand, up until the day of Wrestlemania and maybe even until a few minutes before the actual match happened, WWE was still deciding on whether or not Batista or Undertaker was winning this match.
Remember when wrestlers went by their name? Back in the day- There was a wrestling match. 2 guys came in and they had a nickname to match their gimmick. Dick “the Bruiser”, “Ox” Baker, “Cowboy” Bill Watts. Or their nickname had something to do with their finisher-Stan “the Lariat” Hansen comes to mind.
Then someone decided we had to stretch it a bit. We got “Prince of Darkness” Kevin Sullivan” , “Boogie Woogie Man” got tacked onto “Handsome Jimmy Valiant”, “Raging Bull Manny Fernandez”, “The Yellow Rose of Texas” David Von Erich had a “Modern Day Warrior”for a brother.
I personally blame it on Dusty Rhodes. He was simultaneously “The American Dream”, “Stardust”, “The Peoples Champ”(looooong before the Rock- which is another story)not to mention his un-official ones like “The Splotch” or “The Lisping Scar” that I and my friends gave him. Then there were his alter egos- Evalude Slim, The Midnight Rider,and “Frank James”.
I know, I know. Its not TNA, but I noticed something Friday night. Apparently, along with “The Game’”The King of Kings”"The Cerebral Assassin”"The Connecticut Blueblood” and “Triple H”; Hunter Hurst Helmsley is also “The Cure”. Jumpin Jeebus! You need a scorecard to keep up with him! And dont get me started on The Undertaker. “Booger Red”? Really?
AND then in TNA land (thanks to The Green Teabagger) we have”The Greatest Wrestler of All Time, Best Wrestler Alive Today, 34-time World Champion, 163-time Tag Team Champion (148 of which he carried a partner, of those 3 he held with a midget as a partner, one reign where his partner was a blind three-legged alligator with lockjaw, rabies, and hepatitis B, and Spider-Man (contractually obligated to do so by Universal Studios Florida)), The Greatest X-Division Champion of All Time, Greatest IWGP Champion of All Time, 4-time Winner of the Jeremy Borash Award for TNA’s Sexiest Bachelor, Father of the Year, Time Magazine Man of the Year, 3-time Emmy Award Winning, 2-time Grammy Award Winner, Academy Award Nominated, Four Star French Chef, 39-time winner of the Annual Kurt Angle Great American Award (only other time awarded to JBL), Nobel Prize recipient in the fields of Physics and Literature, three-time NHL MVP, Masters Champion, the only person to win a World Series of Poker event with an UNO deck, the only American to ever be Prime Minister of Canada, recipient of the the Lifetime Acheivement Award for Outstanding Accomplishments in the Field of Excellence, the only man to ever beat Chuck Norris in a fight, reigning World Record Holder for eating the most sticks of butter in under eight minutes, once bowled four perfect games in a row then bowled a 400, the face on the $40 bill, American Idol winner, saved a bunch of money by changing his car insurance to Progressive (made Geico Gecko tap out in six minutes), replaced James Guttman as The Black Scorpion in WCW, 4-time Tiddlywinks Champion in Mrs. Biederman’s kindergarten class, 2-time Obie award winner for his riveting performances in The Vagina Monologues, Level 80 on Hello Kitty Island Adventure, has America’s highest Credit Score (8 billion), recieved the NAACP Humanitarian Award for beating up Al Sharpton, can cabbage fart the National Anthem, Adult Video News Award Winner for ….Best Male Newcomer, Performer of the Year-Gay Video, Transsexual Performer of the Year, Best Anal Sex Scene, Best Oral Sex Scene–Video, Best Threeway Sex Scene–Video, Best Interracial Release, Best Supporting Actor–Film, Best BiSexual/Gay Video, Best Couples Sex Scene (w/Karen Angle), World’s Greatest Grandma (has the mug to prove it), who correctly predicted all 63 games of the NCAA Tournament each of the last twelve years (obviously won every NCAA pool he was in), Olympic Gold Medalist and All-Around Super Ultra Mega God Kurt BY GAWD Angle!” Everyone and their brother’s dog has to have a catchphrase nickname. “The Monster” “The War Machine” “The Queen of Hardcore Knockouts”"The Icon” “The King of The Mountain; The Founder of TNA”
FAR TOO WORDY!
Entertainment is one thing, but do we really need all these catch phrase nicknames? 40 percent of a 2 hour show is spent just spouting nicknames. Therefore, I propose this:
From now on;for ease of clarity on all TNA broadcasts,no nickname can be more than 3 syllables.
Big Sexy Kevin Nash will now be known as OLD Kevin Nash
Freakzilla Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner will be CREEPY Scott Steiner
The Blueprint Matt Morgan will be Who’s He? Matt Morgan
Any X division wrestler will be known as SPOT MONKEY
Anyone facing Kurt Angle will be known as THE JOBBER
Fuck Eric Young will be known as FUCK ERIC YOUNG- why mess with success?
Your olympic blah blah blah yadda yadda Kurt Angle will be GREAT BIG EGO Kurt Angle.
Now with 40 minutes more air time,maybe they can actually put on some…..y’know- WRESTLING!
Am I the only one who wonders about the logic (or lack thereof) that is the storylines of Total Nonstop Absurdity?
To whit:
When did Abyss get the girl?
A year ago, wasnt he Father James Mitchells bastard spawn? And had a half brother named Judas Messias(or was his name Claude Rains-because he dissappeared without a trace)
Then he was put in a rubber room and given shock therapy to get over his violent urges- and before that, he had been revealed to be a murderer and an ex-con. Just that right there should be enough to get him a “sleeping single in a double bed” award from any woman this side of Lizzy Borden. (The real one with a fancy for axes- not Rob Black’s wife who has a fancy for everything this side of the sixth ring of Dante’s inferno if the price is right)
When did Traci Brooks become a referee? Wasnt she just the onscreen representative and mouthpiece for the knockouts and answering to Jim Cornette, like 2 weeks ago?
If Rock and Rave are gone, what is to become of Christy Hemme? She hasnt had a solo story line in 2 years, except when she got fed to Kong and buried quicker than Joe tapped to Kurt.
And speaking of SamoaNew Jack Joe? He comes in as a strong style stiff pureso style quasi- shoot fighter. Fans are begging for Joe’s push. Then comes the juggernaut named Angle. Fans are sporting erections that they could crack walnuts with over the thoughts of a Kurt/Joe 60 minute iron man down broadway. And they wait. And wait some more. And they get treated FINALLY to Joe tapping out in 8 minutes and looking for all the world like the worlds biggest bitch. In the words of Crazy Uncle Vizhiri (iron shiek) Khoslov “Leetle punk faggot son-of-bitch I weel humble! I fuck his ass in ring!” is what King Kurt did.
Now where is he?Give him new tights, a haircut, and draw a tribal design penis on his face….and VOILA! Instant cross between New Jack,Umaga,baby-puntin Snitsky, and evil Kane. Except for one thing. The gimmick doesnt fit.
Throw that one on the Bizzarro world garbage pile, IMO. Right next to The love guru,Super Eric, Lil’ Poppa Pump, and Black Macheezeball.
And look at Thursday night. THe Motor City Machine Guuns( arguably the best tag team in the biz today IMO) against a team from NJPW. Not exactly Go Fixer vs Dragon Gate, but a damn fine paring nonetheless. And they get curtain jerker status AFTER MEM gets 23 minutes for nothing more than to recycle Angle & Sting dont like each other, Foley misses the ring, and Angle dont like Jarrett….
Dont get me wrong- TNA has a ton of potential. But right now its stagnant. If they were wildly successful at one point, I’d say they are resting on their laurels- but they never were! Right now, its like stepping into a time machine and watching a Generic NWO suck the last drop of life out of WCW.
If some of the up and coming talent of any organization- TNa, ROH, or WWE got a third of the air time that Middle-aged Ego Mafia gets weekly, the wrestling landscape would change figuratively before our eyes.
Instead we get “HEY1 THIS WEEK ITS KURT VS.JARRET, WITH STING AS SPECIAL ENFORCER AND MICK FOLEY AS REFEREE! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO SEE STING VS. FOLEY WITH JEFF JARRETT AS SPECIAL REFEREE AND KURT ANGLE AS SPECIAL ENFORCER! AND AT OUR NEXT PAY PER VIEW IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED- KURT ANGLE VS STING IN A WORLD TITLE SUSPENDED FROM A POLE REVERSE ELIMINATION IRON MAN CHALLENGE WITH MICK FOLEY AS SPECIAL REFEREE!”
Welcome to bizarro world, kiddies. You dont have to be drunk as a monkey or stoned to watch us- but it sure does help!
***This is from several years ago. There may be more now.
You ever have too much time on your hands?A friend and I did, and may the lord have pity on our souls.I’m sure that you’ve played the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” game before.You know, where you try to link up the film roles of a chain of actors and lead back to the master of the B-movie in six steps or less?Well, with guys like Rocky and (shudder) Hogan in the movies, we got to thinking…..and that’s where things went to hell.Maybe the heroin helped…..Making a list of EVERY sports entertainer that we could think of who had crossed over into TV or movies, we began to track them back to Bacon.The really freaky part (aside from the fact that we would spend this much time at it) was that in most cases, the closer a wrestler was to Bacon, the higher up they were on the card.Check it:
After the PPV “Destinastion X on sunday, have you ever wonder what its like to be backstage at a pay-per-view event? Ever wonder what happens backstage at a TNA spectacle? Then lets pull back the curtain and see……..
The time- 20 minutes before the dark matches of a TNA pay-per-view,
The place- backstage behind the curtain. J-E(haha)DOUBLE-F(haha) J-A(haha) DOUBLE-R(haha) E-DOUBLE-T(meh) is searching high and low for our hero Vinny Ru. Finally he finds him coming out of a broom closet with a piece of duct tape across the door that says “Creative team working- DO NOT DISTURB” written in sharpie marker.
JJ: Vince, where have you been? The PPV is on in an hour! Where’s the booking sheets? Where’s the production notes? What is the plan? What are we gonna do?
VR: Relaxx, Jeff; Itz undah control! Me and the boys in creative gotz it all undah control. Herez da bookin sheetz an’ the production notez fer da show!
(reaches into pocket and then hands a matchbook cover and a 1.5 zig-zag rolling paper)
VR: See-we gotta scale it back some,an’ streamline it a lil bit, but thats a liscense to print money right there!
JJ reads- “Show opens-
MEM comes out-
filler-
chix match-
filler-
spot monkeys-flippy flops
MAIN EVENT- KURT ANGLE!
fade to black
production-
Cold open-cut to back
go to ring
cut to backstage-Interview MEM
repeat as needed
fade to black
JJ- what the hell is this? 8 hours of creative meeting, and I get a matchbook and a rolling paper for it?? Wheres Corny?
VR: He left about an hour in, boss. Sumthin about lunatics runnin an asylum….Maybe itz an angle fer da next PPV!
JJ: I’m gonna talk to the writers-
(Jeff opens the door and finds a used Mr. Socko, a Hasbro magic 8-ball toy, a set of windup chattering teeth, and what appears to be a homeless man in a cardboard box sleeping in his own urine)
JJ: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? WHERES THE WRITERS WE HIRED? WHERES THE FOCUS STUDIES DIXIE PAID FOR? WHO THE HELL IS THAT SLEEPING IN THE CORNER??
VR: Relax, boss, We hadda fire some writers and replace a few otherz, but I know me an’ my brain trust are gonna knock one out of the park!
JJ: Socko?
VRR: Nah- he prefers to be called C.B. DeSocko now! Creative genius once I got him away from Foley.
JJ: is that an 8 ball?
VR: nah- Thatz standardz an’ practicez! I clear everything thru dem first! And that is Harold.
JJ: Whats his job?
VR: I dunno- I thought youz hired him, boss! Allz I know iz he makes more than Kong or any of them flippy-flopperz make. Don’t worry, boss- I always work better on da fly, an’ by da seat of my pantz!
(Vinny Ru slips on Socko and starts talking to himself in a high falsetto. Jeff walks out shaking his head and runs into Kevin Nash, who hands him a note)
“Dear Mr Jarrett- Please excuse Kevin from tonights pay per view. He has________.
Signed,
Kevin’s Doctor”
JJ: Kev- the note has a blank in it where it tells me whats wrong
Nash: Dammit! Hold on Jeff-
(turning around, Kevin pulls out a “Medical terms for Dummies” paperback book and flips to a random page)
-it shoulda said Dyspeptic esophogeal diverticulitis.
JJ: What is that?
Nash: I’m not sure, but I got a severe case of it! I’m goin home! See ya at the next TV taping…..
(Jeff’s cell rings)
JJ: Hello? Oh , hi Dixie! Oh, its going ok- believe me, this is a PPV that will be unbelieveable! NO ONE is gonna imagine how unbelieveable. Bye!
